Jeremy Hunt to impose contract on nurses to make them wear skimpy Ultimo underwear

Fresh from his unilateral imposition of the new contract for doctors, Health Secretary Jeremy Hunt tonight announced he is to impose a new contract on nurses, as part of his National Health Service reform program.

All nurses will be fired and rehired under the new contract, which will see nurses work a 80 hour week, and will require all female nurses under the age of 40 and below size 16 to wear nothing except skimpy underwear.

Mr Hunt explained: “Our national health service is no longer fit for purpose, due to a sustained campaign to degrade it in preparation for my planned privatization. Now the doctor problem has been dealt with, the time is right to overstretch and demoralize the nursing staff, leading to a significant degradation in the quality of care,  which our government may then use to justify privatization.”

His spokesman added: “Although we favour Ultimo, it’s vital the government encourages competition in the lingerie business, so needless to say nurses may wear other brands too subject to permission from Jeremy.”

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