Cut in disability benefit equal to Cabinet drug and prostitution budget increase

The savings from George Osborne’s proposed £30 a week cut to disability benefits is exactly equal to the proposed increase in the Cabinet’s drug and prostitution budget, the Institute for Taxation and Expenditure Studies (ITES) has found.

It has long been an open secret that a minority of MPs sometimes partake in the use of illegal drugs and prostitution, but its explicit inclusion in the 2016 budget will be seen by many observers as a tacit acknowledgement of that fact.

The BBC’s Laura Kuenssberg has called the move “a political master-stroke by the greatest UK Chancellor of all time” and a sign of Osborne’s “commitment to transparency and liberal ideals, akin to the abolition of slavery.”

Former Deputy Prime Minister Nick Clegg said: “After I stabbed Liberal Democrat voters in the back and took our party into the Conservative-led Coalition government in 2010, I was utterly horrified to see that recreational drugs and prostitution were rife during our Cabinet meetings.”

“However, I didn’t bother to speak out about this or any of the other evil shit the Tories did. Well, not until the Tories were safely installed in government with a majority, and my party’s electoral chances were left in ruins.”

Despite continued speculation in some sections of the media over the details, the quantity and type of prostitutes and illicit drugs are not stated in the Budget documentation, nor are the names of those who would participate.

A government spokesman declined to comment directly on the claims, but told Newscrasher: “Sometimes it is necessary to include contingency expenses in the budget to pay potential expenses that may end up being necessary for the smooth running of government.”

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