England must now leave the Euro 2016 football tournament as a result of the Brexit referendum result, UEFA officials have just confirmed.
In future, England will instead participate in a ‘home nations’ tournament together with Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland, as proposed by Michael Gove during the referendum campaign.
Mr Gove said: “Our promise to take our national sport back from faceless bureaucrats at UEFA was central to our referendum campaigning, and is among the few pledges we made that were not total lies.”
Nigel Farage added: “Our children and grandchildren will thank us for winning freedom for English football, all without a single shot being fired.”
“Well, except for the shots that killed Labour MP Jo Cox, but I’d rather just go on pretending that violent Euroskeptic fascists are in no way connected to or motivated by my sinister neo-fascist propaganda.”
A spokesman for UEFA told Newscrasher: “The Leave campaign was very clear that a vote for Brexit means England should immediately terminate its membership of UEFA. As such, England will not play any further matches in Euro 2016, and the players are already on their way home.”
“However, Monday’s match will still go ahead but without England, primarily to avoid having to refund fans who have already bought tickets.”
“In what should prove to be a very exciting game, Iceland will kick the ball into England’s open goal for a full 90 minutes, in what is likely to be England’s worst defeat of all time.”