Brexit vote clearly means I can rule as a tyrannical dictator

By Jeff Sanchez and Dorothy Hotdog

The marginal vote to leave the European Union clearly gives Theresa May a mandate to become a tyrannical dictator, it has been decided.

Speaking to the BBC’s Laura Kuenssberg, Mrs May said: “The referendum vote to leave the European Union made it quite clear that the people want to take back our sovereignty from Brussels, only for me to suspend our system of representative democracy and rule as a tyrannical dictator.”

“The British people spoke to me personally in this referendum, and have given me a mandate to do whatever I want, as long as it involves leaving the EU and being really nasty to foreigners.”

The dictator added: “This is what gives me a unique advantage to rule this country.”

Following up with a pre-approved question, Mrs. Kuennsberg asked: “Your imperial excellency, what do you say to the naysayers, traitors and Trotskyites who have caused all the problems in Brexit Britain by refused to stop criticising you and your government at this very sensitive time?”

The Prime Minister responded: “Some people, including most of Parliament, have complained about the way I am pushing ahead with hard Brexit against the wishes of basically everyone.”

“The dual questions of EU membership and who rules the country are now settled for all time, and ‘remoaners’ like Anna Soubry and Ed Miliband should just get over the fact that they lost and I won.”

“By trying to talk and vote about Brexit in Parliament, they are attempting to defy the sacred will of the British people, and as such are trying to overthrow democracy using thoughcrime.”

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