The elderly should be able to bequeath their vote to the Conservative Party when they die, the government has announced.
A spokesman for the Prime Minister said: “Older generations have contributed so much to Britain during their lifetime of secure jobs, excellent free healthcare and affordable housing, that it is only fair to allow them to wield influence from the grave as well.”
“And this is why the government will be using the Royal Prerogative to force through legislation granting people aged 60 or over the right bequeath their vote to the Conservative Party, to be used for all time in every election or referendum, and to be deployed in constituencies where our party would gain the greatest electoral advantage.”
“Unpatriotic traitors who love immigrants and do not support the Conservative Party will be able to opt-out, as long as they file the correct paperwork at a Job Centre or DWP office on the morning of their death. Otherwise consent will be assumed by default.”
“Imagine being able to easily turn a marginal Labour constituency Conservative on election day using these deployable votes. Liam Fox said it gave him a raging hard-on just thinking about it.”
Conservative voter Chris Bumfield said: “I was born in the fifties so my generation won two world wars, one world cup and one Brexit referendum.”
“Having given so much to this country over the years, I should be allowed to continue to wreck the lives of the young and the poor from the grave and for all eternity, by ensuring the Conservatives or another fascist party keep getting into government.”