Theresa May has issued a plea for Parliament and the security services to help her to achieve a 100 per cent conviction rate for all types of thought-crime, it has emerged.
Speaking outside 10 Downing Street, the Prime Minister said: “As I tighten my openly dictatorial grip on the reins of power, it is essential that government agents working in the shadows are given the tools they need to snoop on everybody’s online activity.”
“Because of the political turmoil I have helped to induce, these are turbulent times. And to defend the will of the people and the far right revolution as embodied by me, it is essential that crack down on all enemies of the people.”
“So to the security services, to Parliament, and to patriotic right-wing members of the public, I say this. Let us boldly try to raise the thought-crime conviction rate to 100 per cent, or even higher if we can, to ensure Brexit Britain becomes a story of titanic success.”
“Unfortunately, gone are the days when people could only get their fake news and comment from a newspaper owned by a high net worth individual like Rupert Murdoch, or from a state-regulated television channel like the BBC.”
“And we now face the spectre of deplorably unbiased or left wing news being made freely available to anybody with a social media account, which poses a serious and existential threat to the established natural order of Tory hegemony over this country.”
“We know that many unpatriotic individuals are already committing serious thought crimes on a daily basis. Often, this goes beyond something as simple as sharing one of NewsThump’s satirical news story about me, which itself is a powerful gateway to radicalisation, and can turn into outright extremism such as plotting the overthrow of my cruel dictatorship using the ballot box.”