Blair rules out return to frontline politics after realising he is a massive twat

Tony Blair has ruled out making a return to frontline politics after realising that he is in fact a massive twat, the former prime minister has announced.

“Having successfully spread democracy to Iraq and the rest of the Middle East, I believed I would receive a hero’s welcome on my return to UK politics, but to my surprise it appears that I am almost universally despised.”

“Have I not killed enough foreigners, including many women and children, to be considered a great war hero by the public in this brave, new fascist Britain?”

“And then it dawned on me. Not only am I a war criminal who took the UK into war on a lie, with disastrous consequences, but I am also a massive twat.”

“And this is why today I announce that I will abandon my plan to return to frontline politics. I had been planning to help Tom Watson and his co-conspirators in their crusade against Jeremy Corbyn and the membership of the party, but I think I’ll just go somewhere else and enjoy the immense wealth I have accumulated thanks to the leaders of a number of totalitarian dictatorships.”

Image Credit: K Singh.

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