Philip Hammond believes that he shouldn’t have to publish his tax return because ‘honest tax affairs are for the little people’, it has emerged.
The Chancellor of the Exchequer is understood to be considering publishing details of his earnings and tax avoidance, after Jeremy Corbyn published his own tax return and challenged the Tory front bench to do the same.
However, Hammond remains defiant: “Taxes are for the little people, not wealthy government ministers like me who are too good to use public services like the NHS.”
“I don’t really give a fuck what voters think about my financial situation and whether or not I pay my taxes honestly. There’s not very much in the way of tax avoidance in my return anyway.”
“Now that we Tories have a major fake news outlet like the BBC fighting for us, we barely have to worry about the opposition these days.”
“And thanks in part to how good the BBC has become at holding the unelectable, unpatriotic opposition to account, people who are quite stupid will keep on voting for us no matter what.”
“I’ll probably just sit tight for a while and watch the BBC’s Laura Kuenssberg try to smear Jeremy Corbyn over nonexistent mistakes in his tax return.”