The Conservative Party has changed its name to the National Socialist British Worker’s Party to recognise its new role as a party of bigots and xenophobes who pretend to work for the interests of workers.
Speaking in her capacity as government spokesperson on secondment to the BBC, Laura Kuenssberg said: “Once again the Conservatives have outsmarted Jeremy Corbyn, who is unelectable because I said so.”
“By claiming the Nazi centre ground of British politics, the Conservatives have made themselves the party of the future, as long as you don’t mind it being a dystopian future from a film like the Matrix, where ordinary people are bred to be little more than livestock for the ruling elite.”
“And following in the footsteps of Adolf Hitler, the Tories believe that the key to winning over the public is to use what Hitler called the ‘colossal lie'”.
“It would never come into the public’s head to fabricate colossal untruths, and they would not believe that others could have the impudence to distort the truth so infamously.”
The Conservative Journalist of the Year added: “The overall idea is to pretend that the Tories are somehow the party of the workers, when in reality we just do everything possible to ruin the lives of working people.”
“This may seem dishonest, but telling colossal lies is the only way the Tories would ever manage to get into power, and all we’re doing is fighting to overcome public prejudice against evil bastards who enjoy making poor people suffer.”