The British public plan to discard compassion and rational thought and vote for continued rule by the Conservative Party, it has been decided.
Undecided voter Chris Bumfield said: “Over the course of the next few weeks, I plan to carefully consider the positions of the different parties and their candidates, before taking the decision to vote Tory.”
“Although I do like Jeremy Corbyn’s policies because I feel public services like the NHS and also the welfare state need to be well funded, I feel Theresa May is simply a better leader and Prime Minister because of some reasons I read in the right wing media.”
“I’m so glad papers like the Sun, the Daily Mail, and the Telegraph have taken the time and effort to analyse the policies of the different parties and explain everything objectively and without any bias whatsoever.”
“Without that help, Britain would almost certainly fall into recession and chaos under vampire antichrists like Jeremy Corbyn or Tim Farron.”
“The real shame is that I’d probably vote for Corbyn’s policies if he wasn’t so unelectable – whatever that actually means.”