The EU must respect our lies, leading Brexiters insist

The European Union must respect the lies we told to secure the Leave vote, leading Brexiters have insisted today.

Speaking on condition of anonymity, one high profile Brexiter said: “It’s all very well for European leaders to expose us a blatant liars, but the people have spoken and the EU must now respect our lies. We have every right to demand unearned respect for our insane proposals.”

“The will of the people is clear, and what they want is to have all the benefits of being in the EU, and to also have all of the benefits of being outside the EU as well. Now the EU are legally obliged to deliver on the dishonest promises I made.”

“Although the Pound is in free fall and the economy is stagnating, there are still plenty of benefits to leaving the EU ahead of us. The main benefit I foresee is that the gap between the richest and the poorest will grow exponentially, rewarding high net worth individuals for the hard work that they or their ancestors did to rob the poor of what little wealth they had.”

“Rich tax dodgers will also reap the benefits of avoiding the EU’s new rules on tax avoidance. This is likely to fuel a boom in rich people buying a second Ferrari and renovating the basements of their spacious town houses. The trickle down effect of this will surely be felt by Ferrari dealers and tax accountants across the home counties.”

“As originally promised, the NHS will benefit immeasurably when we leave the EU, when American healthcare companies will be invited to come asset strip our hospitals, providing huge efficiency savings for the taxpayer. Our leaner, meaner and more profitable healthcare system will also offer much more choice than at present. For instance, poor people are always telling me they want the NHS to be starved of funding so that the rich can have lower taxes, thereby stimulating creation of jobs that can help poor people pay for private health cover.”

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