By Dorothy Hotdog and Jeff Sanchez

Labour leadership candidate Angela Eagle has insisted that she can be leader of the party, despite being less popular than the current leader and apparently not standing for anything whatsoever.

In an interview with Channel 4’s Jon Snow, Ms. Eagle said: “Some people say they don’t know what I stand for, but I stand for decisive leadership. The sort of leadership that can lead.”

When asked how her policies would be different to Jeremy Corbyn, the right wing Labour MP for Wallasey repied: “What are my policies and ideals? Well, I can categorically state that I am not Jeremy, and Jeremy isn’t leading properly, and I haven’t got a beard like he has either.”

“My leadership will lead the Labour party in these difficult times in a way Jeremy cannot. My leading will show we can win. And only through the strong leadership of a leader who can lead can I lead you to victory thanks to my leadership.”

“Vote for me, I can lead.”