The May Day bank holiday is to be renamed ‘Theresa May Day’ in recognition of our beloved dictator’s strong and stable rule over the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland, it has been announced.

Speaking to a small crowd of bused-in party activists in a remote village hall, the Prime Minister said: “The May Day bank holiday was originally meant to commemorate something to do with spring and something about international workers, but it is increasingly out of touch with modern Britain which cares little for the rights of workers or having the odd day off to pass time with family or friends.”

“Therefore, using plenary powers granted to me by Parliament I hereby decree that May Day shall be renamed Theresa May Day, in recognition of my strong and stable dictatorial rule over this country.”

“Hard working people need not worry about losing a bank holiday, because Theresa May Day will remain a public holiday for any hard working individual earning over £100,000 a year, or with assets valued at £500,000 or more.”