Tag Archives: facts

Brexiter complains reality has ‘left wing bias’, demands action

A Brexit supporter has complained that reality has too strong a ‘left wing bias’ and is demanding that the government takes urgent action, it has emerged.

Leave voter Chris Bumfield said: “It is an absolute outrage that facts and truth refuse to conform to the unreal world view that I have picked up from decades of reading the Daily Mail.”

“Young people are being led astray by facts and exposure to balanced news reporting.”

“What is needed is for the government to attack left wing bias at its source, in the very fabric of reality, with a major crack down on the sharing of unpatriotic information on social media.”

A spokesperson for the Prime Minister told reporters yesterday: “The Prime Minister understands the concerns of elderly Daily Mail readers who have been tricked into fearing progress and immigration, and we will take robust steps to stop the young from accessing pornography or the dangerous centre-left ideas of Jeremy Corbyn’s Labour.”

“Pornography, socialism and support for the EU are all proven gateways to terrorism, fornication and abortion, and we will take steps to protect the young in the minds of the old by banning those things from Facebook, Twitter and Google Plus.”

“By stopping the free flow of information and opinions on social media which is killing established fake news like the Sun and the Daily Mail, the young and educated will also be made to realise that doing as you’re told in a fascist state is much more important than universal healthcare or the chance to have a decent life in a liberal democracy.”

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Brexiters demand end to ‘fact-mongering’

Leading Brexiters who have not yet fled the country have today demanded an end to ‘fact-mongering’ about the economic and social impact of leaving the EU.

Michael Gove, a man insane enough to believe the UK would be better off after shooting itself in the foot, told Newscrasher: “The vote to leave the European Union is a glorious victory for oddball, privately educated Conservative politicians who believe the UK would be better off as an isolated island trading only with itself.”

“But our joy soon turned to grief as unpatriotic media outlets began to ‘fact-monger’ about the immediate negative effects of leaving the EU. Their despicable fact-mongering activity includes reporting on the massive collapse in a variety of business sectors, a plunge in the value of the Pound, and a high likelihood of thousands of job-losses.”

“The continued presence of ‘Project Fact’ is completely unacceptable, and if elected Conservative leader I will immediately outlaw fact-based argumentation in political debates, and I will also make it a legal requirement for school children to be taught both sides of the Brexit controversy.”

Conservative leadership hopeful Andrea Leadsom, who is just as fucking awful, added: “Now that the referendum is over and the British economy is in free-fall, it is treasonous and irresponsible for politicians, experts, and sections of the media to report the facts of what is happening, especially without giving equal time to the ludicrous fantasy version that I and other pro-Brexit idiots would have people believe.”

 

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