Tag Archives: fake news

‘Fake news’ was never a problem back when only we did it, say Tories

So-called ‘fake news’ was never a problem back in the old days when only we did it, the Conservatives have announced.

The Prime Minister said: “Fake news has been around for centuries, and my party has used it with great effectiveness to fool the public into electing us against their own self interests.”

“However, we have recently begun to lose control of the narrative, largely because the public now have a greater choice over where to obtain their information, and also because people have become sick and tired of blatant lies peddled on our behalf by the traditional news media.”

“This loss of control represents a major issue of national security, primarily because it makes it more likely that the public will vote for a left wing government that will run the country for the many, rather than for the rich elite who are fund Brexit and the Conservative Party.”

“By national security, I mean the financial security of the rich elite and the preservation of their divine right to enjoy the fruits of other people’s labour, while maintaining the little people in ever deepening poverty.”

“My husband works for a hedge fund and we are quite wealthy, but if Labour get in he’ll have to pay a bit more in tax and that will impact on my ability to spend a grand on a pair of leather trousers, or buy designer dresses that make me look like a novelty cushion.”

“The only way to respect the will of the people and make Britain great again is to prevent the public from having free access to information on social media, and return to the good old days when the Sun and Daily Mail were the accepted as having privileged access to the truth, and when the public were not too enlightened to listen to the right-wing ravings of those shit rags.”

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BBC pretends it is unfamiliar with concept of fake news

The BBC honestly had no idea until now that fake news can be a powerful tool to manipulate public opinion, it has emerged.

A spokesperson for the formerly objective media outlet told Newscrasher: “In all honesty, we had no idea at all that carefully crafted fake news stories, when published by an ostensibly objective media outlet like the BBC, can sway public opinion to vote a bunch of fascists into power.”

“To feign surprise we’ll probably just run a couple of stories about online satirical news publishers like News Thump, the Daily Mash or News Crasher, to direct attention away from mainstream fake news outlets like the Daily Mail, the Sun, or the BBC, all of whom regularly publish fake news designed hoodwink the public into voting against their own self interest.”

“The pro-Conservative, pro-Brexit bias we inject into our output is purely coincidental, of course, and is nothing to do with the large number of Tories who work here at the BBC.”

“The only plausible explanation we can think of right now is that immigrants, Jeremy Corbyn and the European Union are to blame for this bias, just as they are the cause of everything bad ever.”

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