Tag Archives: fascism

Youngsters not mature enough to understand the benefits of fascism, says Theresa May

People between the ages of 16 and 18 simply do not have the maturity to understand the true benefits of having a fascist government, Theresa May has explained.

Speaking during her visit to China, the Prime Minister said: “The recent suggestion to allow 16 and 17 year olds to vote in national elections and referenda is misguided, and does not take into account the fact that young people are too immature to understand the benefits of fascism.”

“They are also not mature enough to uncritically accept right wing propaganda from low quality newspapers like the Sun, instead turning to social media to find out what’s really going on in the world. I wish they would see the light and just let hatred of others determine the way they vote.”

“The very fact that young people are more likely to support Jeremy Corbyn, and their preference for unaffordable things like properly funded public services just shows how unrealistic they are.”

“Young people need to understand that the future does not belong to them, it belongs to me and I shall ruin the future exactly how I please, especially if it benefits older or wealthier people who support my Party.”

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These 7 ways the Tories are different to the Nazis will blow your mind

People on the internet have been making comparisons between the Tories and the Nazi Party of Second World War fame, but how similar are they really?

Is it really fair to compare the depraved acts of an openly fascist organisation to what the Nazis did? In this article we list 7 key ways that set the Tories and the Nazis apart.

1. Theresa May does not sport a particularly obvious moustache. Everyone knows that if fascism ever resurfaces in Europe, its leaders will wear exactly the same clothes and have identical facial hair as Hitler did. Because Mrs May does not have a moustache, at least when out in public, she clearly cannot be a fascist.

2. The Tories have no current plans to kill people in concentration camps. The Tories have already ruled out shipping the poor and vulnerable off to concentration camps, instead favouring the withdrawal of benefits as a more humane way to cause suffering and eventual death.

3. The Conservatives do not speak German as their first language. Also, the party leader is British, not Austrian, which just goes to prove the Tories are not a party of fascists.

4. The Tories pretend to be the party of the workers in a slightly different way to how the Nazis did. Although both parties dishonestly pretend to best represent the interests of the workers, the Conservative Party is clearly different because it does not include the words ‘socialist’ or ‘worker’ in its official name.

5. The Conservatives have consistently failed to get the trains to run on time. Even that oaf Mussolini managed to make his public transport run on time.

6. The Tories have no particular interest in invading Poland or Czechoslovakia. However, they are more than happy to sell arms to questionable regimes and fuel conflict in the Middle East, resulting in a huge amount of death and suffering, but this is quite different and totally not immoral.

7. The ‘work sets you free myth’. Former Conservative Secretary of State for Work and Pension did proudly declare “work sets you free” on live national television, but he didn’t order signs with that Nazi slogan to be hung over the entrance of places of state-sanctioned suffering, also known as Job Centres.

Do you agree or disagree? Add your comment, or other examples, below this article.

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Fascist bastard says young people who oppose fascism are the real fascists

Young people who oppose fascism are the real fascists, a fascist bastard has claimed.

Speaking during a televised speech, Nigel Farage said: “Educational establishments are teaching young people critical thinking skills that are highly dangerous to parties like UKIP, such as how to identify and reject the bullshit a professional liar like me.”

“What is now worryingly clear is that young people are becoming increasingly intolerant of racist and fascist political ideals like those I hold.”

“This needs to be challenged, and I call on the Secretary of State for Education to accelerate the degradation of the state education system to ensure school leavers are left powerless to see through my lies, as is much more commonly the case with the patriotic older generations.”

“If you think about it, the real fascists here are not people like me who have fascist ideals and who deliberately stoke hatred and division. The true fascists are actually those who oppose fascism.”

“Because wanting the people of Europe to come together in friendship, peace and prosperity is just about the most evil and oppressive thing anybody could do.”

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Government calls on democracy and rule of law to do its patriotic duty and fuck off

Democracy and the rule of law should do their patriotic duty and fuck off, the government has announced.

Outrageous liar David Davis said: “I didn’t lie my pants off in the referendum and in Parliament, only for Brexit to face meaningful scrutiny in the House of Lords.”

“I now call on the Lords to approve the article 50 bill without any scrutiny whatsoever, or face the fascist wrath of the Government.”

“If they choose to defy the will of the minority who voter for Brexit, by objectively examining our plans and asking difficult questions, then we will be forced to abolish them.”

“In fact, abolishing checks and balances such as the House of Lords and the independent judiciary is long overdue, and you can rest assured that we are prepared to take all necessary steps to ensure our dream of an independent fascist Britain, free from the European shackles of prosperity and human rights, ready to face the challenges of the early 20th century.

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Leave voter excited about ‘getting are country back’ on social media

A leave voter has taken to social media to describe her joy at being one step closer to ‘getting are country back’, it has emerged.

In the comments section of a Guardian story, anonymous user JaydaFransen88 wrote: “I am so glad are MPs have done there duty and respected the will of the 17 million people that voted leave.”

Continuing, Ms Fransen wrote: “Today were another step closer to getting are country back. I hope soon we’ll be able to kick out people I consider to be foreign, and to stop anybody who isn’t British from using the NHS.”

“After all, it’s called the National Health Service not the international health service, and the historical name of a public service is really important and should determine how it is run in the year 2017.”

After taking a quick toilet break and making a call to see how her friend Paul is doing in prison, Ms Fransen returned to her computer and put together a meme containing the words: “British and proud to be getting are country back. Share if you agree and want to help to spread propaganda for a fascist group like Britain First.”

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Nigel Farage shortlisted for Time ‘twat of the year’ award for being a massive twat

Nigel Farage has been shortlisted for the title of Time magazine’s twat of the year, along with pig’s head shagging former British prime minister David Cameron, and the backstabbing liar Boris Johnson.

The former UKIP leader is one of several contenders named by the American publication, which cites his role in the destruction of the British economy and the normalisation of fascism.

Unveiling the shortlist, which is chosen by editors of the magazine, a spokesperson said: “Here at Time we believe in honouring fascists, and as one of the most influential fascists of our time Nigel Farage is an obvious choice for this accolade.”

“His use of post-truth politics, otherwise known as the art of telling barefaced lies, has been an example to us all.”

“And by positioning the EU referendum as the start of a global wave of fascism, Farage has made an important contribution to the preservation of the right wing status quo by diverting anger away from the rich elite and onto foreigners and immigrants instead.”

A spokesman for Nigel Farage said: “The Fuhrer is pleased to have been recognised as one of the greatest twats in history.”

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Farage to march on Westminster with army of racist pensioners unless demands met

Acting Fuhrer of the United Kingdom Independence Party Nigel Farage has threatened to march on Westminster at the head of a million-strong army of pensioners, unless all his demands are met.

Speaking to a thronging crowd of yobs and pensioners in Taunton town centre, Mr Farage said: “A minority of people voted to leave the evil empire of freedom and prosperity that is the EU, and now we must enforce our righteous fascist will on the majority of Britons who do not agree with our views.”

Waiting for the cheering and applause to subside, the fuhrer waved aloft a non-ISO sized sheet of paper and continued: “I have here a list of one hundred and forty-seven demands that the government must meet in order to make Britain great again, according to the mandate given to me personally on the twenty-third of June.”

“If my patriotic demands are not met in full, I will raise a million-strong army of yobs and racist pensioners, and we’ll march on the Palace of Westminster to enforce the transition from democracy to fascism, or national socialism as I prefer to call it.”

“We are good, peaceful people who do not hold a grudge, and that is why en route to London we will be sacking all towns and neighbourhoods which voted Remain.”

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Nigel Farage finally admits he’s definitely a fascist twat, nobody actually shocked

Acting leader of the United Kingdom Independence Party Nigel Farage has admitted that he is definitely a fascist twat on live television, but nobody is actually shocked.

The admission took place during his televised clash with Remain activist Gina Miller on the on the BBC’s Andrew Marr Show yesterday.

Mr Farage said: “Seventeen million patriotic British voters have spoken and they want to turn this country into the kind of fascist state that I have always campaigned for.”

“Rule of law and parliamentary sovereignty are old fashioned concepts which are not fit for purpose in twenty-first century Britain. They must both be abolished so our glorious Fuhrer Theresa May can use all the levers of power and the military to swiftly remove us from the EU, and establish fascist mob rule.”

When asked whether The Daily Mail was wrong to call the High Court judges ‘enemies of the people’, the UKIP leader said: “The Daily Mail and Express have provided visionary leadership for racist pensioners all across the country, and both papers were instrumental in our campaign to stoke hatred against foreigners and the EU in the lead up to the referendum.”

“Therefore, there is no doubt in my mind that the editors of both papers should be awarded a knighthood for their part in liberating this country from the freedoms and prosperity with which the EU has long oppressed this country.”

“As the greatest war hero this country has ever known, I will also be putting my own name forward for a knighthood.”

“However, if my demand is not met, I will march on the Palace of Westminster at the head of an army of one hundred thousand racist pensioners.”

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