By Dorothy Hotdog an Jeff Sanchez
Food shortages that are expected to result from Brexit offer an amazing opportunity for the poor to diet, the Brexit Secretary has claimed.
Speaking to Piers Morgan on breakfast TV, Dominic Raab said: “Brexit offers a multitude of amazing opportunities for Britain, including the chance for the rich to get even richer, the chance for xenophobes to have blue passports, and opportunities for the poor to go on a crash diet and subsequently die of starvation.”
“Families who use food banks may not be able to stockpile food in time for Brexit Day, and that is why this Government will be sending out a leaflet with hints and tips for how people can grow their own food. Older members of the public will be pleased with our inclusion of a number of traditional British delicacies, such as jellied earthworms and Nettle tea.”
“The British people will have the incredible opportunity to draw on the character forming Irish Potato Famine, and this is just one of many ways that Brexit food shortages can bring the country together in mass starvation.”
“The royal family is to be employed in showing people how they can grow their own vegetables. We will also boost public morale by restarting the Clean For The Queen campaign, this time making it compulsory for all benefit claimants to clean a Tory MP’s home.”
“Even if you have just a small plant pot in your miniscule flat in London, you can still grow a healthy potato plant and feed your family for at least two days.”