Astrology now works after ninth planet discovered, says NASA

Astrology really does work, but only if the ninth planet is taken into account, NASA revealed today.

With the recent discovery of Planet Nine, NASA scientists quickly realized the reason astrology didn’t work properly was because the planet was not being taken into consideration. But after they had been carefully reformulated to include the ninth planet, the team of scientists discovered that astrological horoscopes were able to accurately predict the minutiae of their daily lives.

Lead scientist of NASA’s astrology project, Dr. Hans Zarkov, told journalists: “The revelation concerning the now proven reality of astrology has opened up exciting new frontiers in science, and here at NASA we stand proud at the forefront of research efforts to go beyond solar system astrology; we are currently developing an extra-galactic astrological system that may revolutionize our understanding of the Universe and its origins, as well as provide fresh perspectives on mankind’s race to harness the power of celestial bodies like stars and black holes, to meet Earth’s energy needs.”

Nicknamed ‘Planet Nine’ by researchers, the planet weighs roughly 10 times more than Earth and orbits approximately 20 times farther from the Sun than Neptune does.

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