Cameron: my tax dodging was actually just ‘research’

The right wing Prime Minister has today offered a new excuse in an attempt to explain away his controversial and apparently highly irregular tax affairs.

Speaking at a packed press conference this morning, Mr Cameron told reporters: “Even though I knowingly avoided large sums of tax over a number of years, it was entirely innocent because I was merely conducting research into tax avoidance by the super rich.”

“My naming in the Panama tax scandal was all totally planned by me from the outset, as a means to draw maximum attention to the very serious issue of offshore tax avoidance by the rich. My long term aim was to seek and destroy all offshore tax loopholes that allow the rich to avoid paying the tax that our starved public services are crying out for.”

“This is the culmination of my anti tax avoidance project and is a great victory for myself and George Osborne, who a has also conducted extensive undercover research into highly immoral tax avoidance methods for several decades.”

A former Labour Prime Minister and alleged war criminal, speaking on Condition of anonymity, told Newscrasher: “David Cameron, who is almost as wealthy and as corrupt as I am, is clearly in the right here. Despite the despicable calls for his resignation from the left of the Labour Party, who I hope never win a general election, Cameron has proven that he’s still totally in touch with the public mood.”

The former premier, whose personal wealth is thought to run to several tens of millions of pounds, added: “And that is why I believe Jeremy Corbyn should resign immediately for no reason, live on the BBC like Michael Dugher heroically did.”

The BBC’s Laura Kuenssberg took to Twitter to praise the Prime Minister, calling him “our James Bond PM, the people’s PM, fighting global tax injustice”.

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