Laura Kuenssberg wins BAFTA for portrayal of BBC journalist with zero integrity

The BBC’s Laura Kuenssberg has been awarded a BAFTA for best actress, in recognition of her highly realistic portrayal of a BBC political editor who has zero professional integrity.

Because many BAFTA winners were expected to use their acceptance speeches to criticise the Tories and the strong pro-government bias of the BBC, the Prime Minister ordered the BBC to mute the microphone for all recipients except for Laura Kuenssberg, to whose speech the BBC was ordered to allocate a full 2 hours.

As expected, Mrs. Kuenssberg used her speech to praise her personal heroes David Cameron and John Mann, but the majority of her speech was spent ‘in character’ attacking Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn for things that aren’t actually true.

“David Cameron asked me to say that Jeremy Corbyn is a threat to national security, not just because he’s radicalising people into voting, but also because he’s radicalising people into voting against the democratically elected Conservative government.”

“As a hard-core right winger, I believe that lifting people out of poverty, including children, is dangerous and puts British lives at risk through an increased threat of terrorism from extremists, some of whom Jeremy has shared a platform in any number of railway or tube stations.”

“Jeremy needs to accept the democratic will of the people who have chosen perpetual Conservative rule after a barrage of lies, dirty tricks and naked propaganda from the right wing press.”

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