Osborne: sky’s the limit thanks to towel folding experience and O-Level maths

National hero George Osborne is taking time out from his preferred activity of screwing over the poor to consider the options for his next steps on the career ladder.

In a candid conversation with close friend David Cameron, Mr Osborne says: “With the British economy in ruins, I am now looking to build on this success and move on to new personal and professional challenges.”

Looking up from the woman’s chest from which he had just snorted a line of coke, the former chancellor continued: “I can safely say the sky’s the limit regarding my future career prospects, thanks to my O-Level in mathematics and my extensive experience in the refolding of towels.”

“I expect the IMF will soon invite me to join their team, no doubt they are eager to use my economic genius to get the global economy moving with austerity and trickle-up economics.”

Confident his career will reach new heights, Mr. Osborne screws up a job application form from Selfridges, a move he will soon come to regret.

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