‘Gove Disease’ pandemic could devastate Britain, doctors warn

By Jeff Sanchez and Dorothy Hotdog

A terrible new disease has emerged since the EU  referendum and it could devastate Britain, doctors have warned.

Named after former Secretary of State for Justice Michael Gove, who medical researchers have now identified as ‘patient zero’, the disease causes sufferers to helplessly stick their fingers in their ears and shout “LALALALALALA I’ve had enough of experts.”

Researchers have likened Gove Disease to the dancing plague of 1518, which saw around 400 people dance for several days without rest in Strasbourg, some of whom subsequently died.

Psychologists believe Gove Disease is caused by the contradictory feelings its sufferers have, known in academic circles as ‘cognitive dissonance’.

However, not all scientists accept that Gove Disease is real. (And like the BBC, in the interest of balance we must show both sides of the controversy, even if it means giving exposure to pseudoscientists and idiots.)

Professor Chris Bumfield of the Brexit Science Institute told Newscrasher: “I do not accept this is a real illness. If anything, it’s just the next step up in human evolution.”

When we asked Professor Bumfield whether he accepts global warming is real he immediately started shouting LALALALA and stuck his fingers in his ears.

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