Theresa May to embark on career in stand up comedy

After her comedic success in Parliament, the Prime Minister is now considering a career in stand up comedy, it has been revealed.

Theresa May said: “My wooden delivery of a succession of low quality scripted jokes, when I should have been answering questions about serious issues such as poverty and housing, caused significant mirth and chortling from the toffs on the benches behind me.”

“However, it is possible that my Conservative colleagues were laughing instead at the thought of killing large numbers of disabled people, and plunging yet more children into poverty through our cruel austerity policies.”

The BBC’s Laura Kuenssberg, whose fawning and uncritical coverage of Mrs. May has raised eyebrows in some quarters, described the PM’s performance as “a masterclass in batting away the trifling concerns of the undeserving poor, to focus on bigger issues like whether Jeremy Corbyn is a communist vampire antichrist and a traitor who will be the death of us all.”

Labour’s deputy leader Tom Watson was also impressed, saying: “I’ll support anything that makes Jeremy look bad, because I fucking hate him. His intention to improve the lives of the poor, the sick, the homeless, and even rail passengers is fucking disgusting.”

Mr Watson added: “Beware Jeremy Corbyn’s left wing mind control rays. Wear your aluminium foil hat at all times.”

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