Theresa May has big plans for 2017, including learning how to dress herself and how to stand properly, she has announced.
Speaking to a Daily Mail reporter during her latest fashion shoot, the Prime Minister said: “I’ve never needed the services of a style consultant, because being stylish just comes so naturally to me.”
“Today I’m wearing a pair of leather trousers with a retail price of £995. Ever conscious of how my actions impact on the environment, I selected these very eco-friendly trousers precisely because they were made from the skin of job seekers who died shortly after being sanctioned by the DWP.”
“Last week I left the house dressed as an Ikea cushion, for which the Mail gave me much praise for my elegance and fashion sense. People often stop me in the street and tell me I look great for somebody who is over 100 years old.”
“When I stood up on the stage at the Conservative Party conference, I decided to do George Osborne’s wide-legged power stance that his overpaid style adviser old him to do, but it just made me look even more of a twat than usual.”
“But that barely matters when you’re a style icon like I am.”