Destroying the British economy with a hard Brexit will definitely be worthwhile, because it will allow imaginary problems such as immigration and human rights to be fixed, Theresa May has decided.
Ahead of her next big speech about Brexit, which is expected to send the Pound to new lows against the Euro and Dollar, the Prime Minister has hinted about how she plans to win over critics of Brexit: “Leaving the EU will almost certainly wreck the economy for the little people, many of whom will lose their jobs, their access to free healthcare, and their benefits.”
“But it will definitely be worth it, because it will allow us to fix a number of imaginary problems that the right wing media have convinced people are real, such as immigration or human rights.”
“But the good news doesn’t end there. The single binary question posed in the referendum provides no guidance about what kind of Brexit we should go for, which means I’m absolutely free to do whatever the hell I want to the country, because I’m in charge now and the will of the people is squarely behind me.”
“To those who would oppose my tyrannical rule, I say this:”
“On the 23rd of June the patriotic British people voted for me to seize power and immediately start to ruin the lives of the poor, the sick, and foreigners.”
“The vote was a unanimous landslide, as long as we do not count the 48 per cent of voters who are technically not real people because they treacherously voted to remain.”
“Despite all the evil shit I have in store for them, the people love me. I like to think of myself as ‘The People’s Fuhrer’.”