Child refugee ban is guided by teachings of Raptor Jesus, says Theresa May

The decision to scrap the Dubs Amendment, which originally committed the UK government to take in 3000 child refugees from Europe, was guided by the devout Christian beliefs of the Prime Minister and several hard right cabinet members, it has been announced.

Speaking to a ‘journalist’ from the Sun, Mrs May said: “As a devoutly Christian Tory, any policy decision I make will be guided by the life and teachings of Raptor Jesus, who went extinct for our sins.”

“Whenever I have a tough decision to make, I ask myself: what would Raptor Jesus do if he was a heartless Tory who had recently risen to power on the back of the greatest fraud in the history of Britain?”

“And that is how I decided the best course of action would be to abandon our commitment to those thousands of unaccompanied refugee children, who are quite probably cold, hungry and very scared right now.”

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