Break up of Britain will unite us all, claims Theresa May

The break up of the United Kingdom will unite us all, Theresa May has claimed.

Speaking to the BBC’s Laura Kuenssberg, the Prime Minister said: “Brexit has already unified Britain, and the coming break up of the United Kingdom is going to unify us even more.”

“There is nothing more unifying than hatred and division, just as long as that hatred is directed at one of several officially sanctioned scapegoats that we Tories and the right wing media have helpfully identified for you.”

“It is regrettable that the poor, the disabled, and immigrants should need to be scapegoated, leading to harassment and sometimes even deaths. But their sacrifice is a small price to pay for making sure the British people never realise that millionaires like me are the cause of the failing NHS and the decline in living standards.”

“Therefore, it is important that we now take steps to prevent ordinary people from coming together in marches, unions, or left wing political groups to fight against my dictatorial rule and all the resulting social injustice.”

“I just wish the people would accept that their so-called rights end where my prejudice and hunger for power begins.”

After a momentary pause, the PM added: “War is Peace, Freedom is Slavery, and Ignorance is Strength. This is the will of the people, of which I am the divine embodiment.”

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