David Davis awarded honorary doctorate by University of Life

David Davis has been awarded an honorary doctorate by the University of Life, it has been announced.

The university’s Vice Chancellor, Professor Chris Bumfield, said: “In recognition of the extraordinary work David Davis has done towards a destructive and racist Brexit, we are extremely proud to award him an honorary Ph.D. in the area of Brexit Science.”

“The way he finessed the question of the simultaneous existence and non-existence of those 58 sectorial impact studies was a tour de force, and is an example of the high quality Brexit Science that this university is keen to promote.”

The University of Life is Britain’s fastest growing university, and its stated aims include giving its students negative IQs by the end of their three-year course, by replacing rational, fact-based thought processes with magical thinking that defies all logic. Its most popular course is the PhD programme in the area of Brexit Science, which has attracted record funding from the government in an attempt to find elusive reasons why leaving the EU might improve the country.

Accepting his diploma, David Davis said: “The University of Life is at the forefront of our brave efforts to reduce Britain to a herd of idiotic sheep who will do and vote exactly as the ruling tell them.”

“It provides validation to people who are basically stupid but want to make believe that a lifetime of watching TV and reading the Sun are equivalent or better than having actually learnt to think at an actual university or college.”

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