Tory chairman calls on Corbyn to ‘take a stand’ against online criticism of Tories

The Chairman of the Conservative Party has called on Jeremy Corbyn to ‘take a stand’ against people who have ‘for too long’ been allowed to criticise Tory policies.

Chairman Brandon Lewis said: “Jeremy Corbyn must take a stand against far-left online trolls.”*

“With this piece of gaslighting, not only do we try to associate Jeremy Corbyn with so online abuse by private individuals who have no actual connection with Jeremy Corbyn, we also smear critics of my party’s cruel austerity policies as though they were hateful extremists.”

“There are still some potential Conservative voters out there whose lives my party still haven’t completely fucked, and it is almost inevitable that they will eventually hear criticism of our austerity policies from friends or relatives. When that happens, we need to ensure these precious voters are able to dismiss any complaints out of hand, with name calling, smears, and accusations of insufficient patriotism.”

“We need the public to believe we Tories are the innocent victims of cruel socialist bullies, whose criticism of our policy of mercilessly hounding the poor and disabled is actually abuse.”

* Note: this first quote is actually real, amazingly.

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