Tag Archives: day

May Day bank holiday to be renamed ‘Theresa May Day’ in recognition of her strong and stable rule

The May Day bank holiday is to be renamed ‘Theresa May Day’ in recognition of our beloved dictator’s strong and stable rule over the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland, it has been announced.

Speaking to a small crowd of bused-in party activists in a remote village hall, the Prime Minister said: “The May Day bank holiday was originally meant to commemorate something to do with spring and something about international workers, but it is increasingly out of touch with modern Britain which cares little for the rights of workers or having the odd day off to pass time with family or friends.”

“Therefore, using plenary powers granted to me by Parliament I hereby decree that May Day shall be renamed Theresa May Day, in recognition of my strong and stable dictatorial rule over this country.”

“Hard working people need not worry about losing a bank holiday, because Theresa May Day will remain a public holiday for any hard working individual earning over £100,000 a year, or with assets valued at £500,000 or more.”

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‘Brexit Day’ to replace all existing public holidays, announces Theresa May

All public holidays are to be replaced by ‘Brexit Day’ holidays, it has been announced.

Speaking to the BBC’s Laura Kuenssberg, the Prime Minister said: “As I lead Britain off a cliff and into oblivion as the will of the people dictates, it is only right that we should commemorate our heroic endeavour with a series of Brexit Day holidays.”

“With this in mind, the government has decided to replace all remaining national holidays with Brexit Day holidays, so that my 63 million patriotic supporters can celebrate the glory of our Red, White and Blue Brexit 8 times each year.”

“Celebratory street parties will be mandatory by law, and anybody suspected of harbouring Remainer sympathies will be tried and found guilty of treasonously talking the country down.”

The Prime Minister added: “Your six figure payment for services to the nasty wing of the Conservative Party is in the post, Laura.”

“I’d better dash, because I’ve got another photoshoot for Vague Magazine, and I believe you have some more anti-Corbyn smears to attend to.”

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