By Jeff Sanchez and Dorothy Hotdog
Southern Trains has been awarded a contract to transport EU migrants to Brexit concentration camps, it has been announced.
Speaking outside Parliament, the Secretary of State for Transport and Brexit Concentration Camps said: “Southern Trains have a long and successful history of transporting virtual slaves on an overcrowded and unreliable rail service, where commuters regularly experience conditions comparable to the Holocaust trains employed by the strong and stable leadership of Nazi Germany.”
“In light of the misery and suffering Southern have already achieved on their commuter services, the Government strongly believe the company is well placed to coldly and efficiently transport unwelcome foreigners and opposition saboteurs to new homes in one of several G4S concentration camps, where Iain Duncan Smith will then teach them that work sets you free.”
A spokesman for Southern Trains said: “We are proud to have been selected by the Government to play an active role in the persecution of their chosen scapegoats.”
“Our company has been transporting commuters of London and the South East to a fate worse than death, in cramped and unsanitary conditions, on a daily basis for a number of years now.”
“Thanks to the continued degradation of our service, there will be no need for Southern Trains to make any changes when we begin to run the Tory death camp trains.”
However, a spokeswoman for a rail passenger association said: “If the Nazis had been as shit a Southern Trains then no one would have ever arrived at Auschwitz.”