Tag Archives: far right

UK News

Keep Britain a Christian country say hateful cunts with no Christian values

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Britain is a Christian country and should stay that way, according to hateful bastards who have no actual Christian values.

Chris Bumfield from Lincolnshire told Newscrasher: “Despite being a hateful cunt who doesn’t follow any of the tenets of the Christian faith, I like to go around saying that we should keep Britain a Christian country because it’s a secret code that means I don’t like Muslims, immigrants or ethnic minorities.”

“Immigrants make me feel uncomfortable because some of them look a bit different when I see them around town, they have different customs, and some of them speak using words that come from a language that often is not English.”

“I also feel it is somehow a problem that there are so many foreign-born people living in Britain today, although that fact that I cannot give any rational reason to justify this assertion ought ring alarm bells.”

“Like Milo Yiannopoulos, I know I’m definitely not bigoted because I’ve had sex with a black person once before. But I really feel my patriotic British pride is being taken away from me by the presence of people who are a little bit different in very minor ways.”

UK News

Far-right terrorism isn’t proper terrorism, say the Sun, Daily Mail and BBC

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Far-right terrorism isn’t proper terrorism, the Sun, the Daily Mail and the BBC have decided.

An anonymous source at the Sun explained: “It would be wrong to label Thomas Mair and other violent far right criminals as terrorists, because a terrorist would need to be an enemy of the state, not somebody who has a similar political ideology to this paper and the Conservative government.”

“And if we allow Mair to be called a terrorist, where would that leave papers like the Sun? Instead of merely being a far-right shit-rag, the Sun would need to be reclassified as a terrorist far-right shit-rag.”

“Rupert Murdoch simply wouldn’t stand for it. I’m almost certain he’d be forced to sack Theresa May if it were to happen.”

One well known Daily Mail columnist said: “We might publish a few words about the latest far-right terror attack on page 13, but we’ll try to blame the EU, immigrants and Jeremy Corbyn instead of the real villains.”

A spokesperson for the BBC said: “Because we’re in the process of normalising the far-right political ideals that the Prime Minister would like the general public to embrace, we have to be careful about how we respond to far-right terrorism.”

“The PM and Rupert Murdoch are both very keen for the public to understand that British fascism is an entirely benign force, as long as you’re white and very thick.”

“In addition to giving a platform to far right extremists like Nigel Farage or inviting fascist groups to join the audience of Question Time, we are also doing our best to pretend that recent far-right terrorist attacks were not real terrorism, and that the terrorists themselves were not incited by the toxic politics of the Tories, Nigel Farage, or the right wing media.”

UK News

Far right politicians cancel far right march over fears it may attract the far right

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Far right politicians have canceled a march over fears that people from far right groups might attend, it has emerged.

Nigel Farage said: “It is with a heavy heart that we have been forced to cancel our far right march on Westminster, due to concerns that our expected army of 100,000 far right marchers might get infiltrated by people from far right groups like the EDL, Britain First or the Conservative Party.”

“Of course, when I say heart I mean the black piece of stone situated in my middle mediastinum, where a normal person’s heart would be.”

UKIP Fuhrer Paul Nuttall PhD added: “When we organised the march, we only thought a bunch of Mail and Express reading ignoramuses would turn up and express their fascist views about Europe and the independent judiciary.”

“However, it quickly became apparent that people from far right groups were also planning to attend, in order to express their fascist views about Europe and the independent judiciary.”

“In addition, we also realised that even with Britain First and the EDL in attendance, the total number of people at our march was going to be embarrassingly low, somewhere between 21 and 22.”

“But that’s not the real reason we canceled, honest.”

UK News

BBC broadcasts Nuremberg rally footage instead of Question Time, and nobody notices a difference

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The BBC have inadvertently broadcast footage from Adolf Hitler’s 1933 Nuremburg  rally in place of Question Time and nobody noticed a difference, it has emerged.

UKIP Leader Paul Nuttall said: “I tuned in to BBC1 expecting to watch a studio full of people blaming all our problems on immigrants and remain voters. So it was a pleasant surprise that instead of the scheduled live broadcast of Question Time, the BBC appeared to have inadvertently shown one full hour of Adolf Hitler speaking to a Nazi horde at Nuremberg in the 1930s.”

“Although my political ideals are quite similar to those of the Nazis, I would like to emphasize that there are some big differences that I would like potential enemies of the state to keep in mind.”

“Unlike the Nazis, I am pushing for fascism to be instituted in Britain in the year 2016, not in 1930s Germany.”

However, not all viewers were happy with the BBC’s mistake. Chris Bumfield from Milton Keynes told Newscrasher: “It took me twenty minutes to realise that I was watching a far right politician scapegoating a perceived internal enemy to a gullible right wing audience in the 1930s, instead of the expected BBC programme showing far right politicians scapegoating a perceived internal enemy to a gullible right wing audience in 2016.”