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‘Brexit Day’ to replace all existing public holidays, announces Theresa May

All public holidays are to be replaced by ‘Brexit Day’ holidays, it has been announced.

Speaking to the BBC’s Laura Kuenssberg, the Prime Minister said: “As I lead Britain off a cliff and into oblivion as the will of the people dictates, it is only right that we should commemorate our heroic endeavour with a series of Brexit Day holidays.”

“With this in mind, the government has decided to replace all remaining national holidays with Brexit Day holidays, so that my 63 million patriotic supporters can celebrate the glory of our Red, White and Blue Brexit 8 times each year.”

“Celebratory street parties will be mandatory by law, and anybody suspected of harbouring Remainer sympathies will be tried and found guilty of treasonously talking the country down.”

The Prime Minister added: “Your six figure payment for services to the nasty wing of the Conservative Party is in the post, Laura.”

“I’d better dash, because I’ve got another photoshoot for Vague Magazine, and I believe you have some more anti-Corbyn smears to attend to.”