Tag Archives: Laura Kuenssberg

BBC’s Laura Kuenssberg wins biased right wing journalist of the year award

The BBC’s Laura Kuenssberg has won the Biased Right Wing Journalist of the Year Award, it has been announced.

Accepting the award from her boss Theresa May, Mrs Kuenssberg said: “It is an honour to accept this golden trophy, cast in the shape of a boot stamping down on a human face forever.”

“When I first joined the BBC, I did not realise how important a role I would come to play in the smearing of Jeremy Corbyn and keeping a number of massive Tory scandals out of the news.”

“Scandals such as the multiple criminal investigations into electoral fraud by the Conservative Party, or the allegation that David Cameron once performed an illegal sexual act with the head of a dead pig, either of which ought to have brought down the government and potentially landed Mr Cameron in prison.”

“By helping the right wing establishment hold onto power, I have helped them exploit and sometimes kill the poorest and most vulnerable in society, all for the benefit of the very rich.”

“As my good friend David Cameron once told me, there is no greater way to serve the country than to collude with the rich elite in their vicious war on the little people.”

Prime minister Theresa May was among those who offered praise for Kuenssberg: “Laura is a true British patriot and will surely go down as one of the greatest heroes in the history of this fascist country, the future of which I am intent on destroying by taking us out of the European Union against the wishes of the sane majority.”


BBC to stop covering anything Labour say or do

The BBC will cease to give any coverage to anything the Labour Party say or do, it has been announced.

The BBC’s Laura Kuenssberg said: “The Conservatives won the 2015 general election, and the BBC will now respect the will of the people by completely ignoring the Labour Party.”

“The total absence of Labour from the BBC should then give the impression that Labour provide no opposition whatsoever, and subsequently we expect the popularity of the party to fall even further.”

The former Conservative Journalist of the Year added: “But don’t worry, from time to time we’ll still run negative stories on Jeremy Corbyn, like the one where we blamed him for all the delays on Southern Rail services.”

Labour’s Hilary Benn said: “I have nothing but praise for this visionary new policy of overt bias against a party I am trying to destroy from the inside.”

“I agree with anything that damages Jeremy Corbyn and his mostly left wing shadow cabinet.”

“I pray that Labour will soon abandon its unrealistic ideals such as helping the poor and vulnerable, or having proper public services, and go back to its right wing, warmongering roots.”


We have a duty to report Conservative lies as facts, says BBC

The BBC has a legal and moral duty to report Conservative lies and misinformation as facts, it has been announced.

Speaking exclusively to Newscrasher, the BBC’s Laura Kuenssberg said: “As an integral part of the state propaganda network, the BBC has a legal and moral obligation to give undue prominence to claims made by the Conservative government, and to present their lies and misinformation uncritically and without scrutiny.”

“At the same time, we absolutely have to lead the media crack down on Labour, who are antisemitic and are trying to overthrow the government via the ballot box.”

The former Conservative Journalist of the Year added: “If Jeremy Corbyn’s red menace succeeds in thwarting the heroic austerity and NHS privatisation programmes of the most popular government in the history of Britain, then the nation truly will be in the shit, because it could lead to a slight decrease in the bank balance of some of the richest people in Britain and that would be unjust.”



Heartless bastard warns more poor and disabled may need to die

Chancellor George Osborne has today warned that more of the poor and disabled may need to die, due to new and unnecessary spending cuts in the upcoming budget.

Mr Osborne told Fox News’ political editor Laura Kuenssberg that global economic issues and reduced growth meant “we may need to undertake further reductions” in the poor and disabled populace.

He said in the exclusive interview with Kuenssberg, a political ally of the Conservative Party: “We may need to undertake further reductions in the number of people on benefits because this country can only afford what it can afford and we’ll address that in the Budget because I’m absolutely clear we’ve got to root our country in the principle that we live within our means and that we have economic security.”

He went on to say the “whole purpose of our economic plan was to accelerate our redistribution of wealth from the poor, disabled and vulnerable to the retirees and the wealthy, to whom this country owes so much.”

He added: “All welfare and a decent education does is produce Labour voters. Because of this we are committed to plunging poor families into abject poverty and to destroying their educational chances, as this will make Great Britain Great Great Britain again.”

The Taxpayers’ Alliance campaign group has welcomed the plans.