Tag Archives: southern trains

Senior Tories complain rail network is unfit to transport large numbers of passengers to death camps

The national rail network is currently unfit to transport large numbers of people to death camps, senior Tories have complained.

One back-bench Conservative MP said: “As our coup against the British people gears up for the introduction of full-blown fascism, it is imperative that national infrastructure is ready to deal with the exciting new business opportunities associated with escalating hatred of foreigners, benefit claimants, and Remainers.”

“An essential component of our plan for a rejuvenated Fatherland, free from the shackles of intellect and compassion, is an efficiently run railway that is capable of transporting large numbers of people to specially built DWP camps where low net worth individuals and their families can be set-free through a lifetime of back-breaking labour.”

“Unfortunately, the gross incompetence of Chris Grayling has left the British rail network in ruins and lacking the capacity to transport commuters into London to work, and clearly unfit to transport large numbers of passengers to death camps.”

“Of course, the DWP will not actually be killing anybody at these camps, and all expected deaths resulting from chronic overwork or starvation will be the fault of Jeremy Corbyn, and will be wholly independent of the patriotic actions of the DWP.”

A number of Labour MPs from the right of the party are said to be supportive of the new camps. A spokesperson for Margaret Hodge told Newscrasher: “When Dame Margaret Hodge asked her Israeli handlers what to say on this matter, they told her to blame Jeremy Corbyn for all antisemitism throughout all of history, including in Nazi Germany.”


Southern Trains win contract to transport EU migrants to Brexit concentration camps

By Jeff Sanchez and Dorothy Hotdog

Southern Trains has been awarded a contract to transport EU migrants to Brexit concentration camps, it has been announced.

Speaking outside Parliament, the Secretary of State for Transport and Brexit Concentration Camps said: “Southern Trains have a long and successful history of transporting virtual slaves on an overcrowded and unreliable rail service, where commuters regularly experience conditions comparable to the Holocaust trains employed by the strong and stable leadership of Nazi Germany.”

“In light of the misery and suffering Southern have already achieved on their commuter services, the Government strongly believe the company is well placed to coldly and efficiently transport unwelcome foreigners and opposition saboteurs to new homes in one of several G4S concentration camps, where Iain Duncan Smith will then teach them that work sets you free.”

A spokesman for Southern Trains said: “We are proud to have been selected by the Government to play an active role in the persecution of their chosen scapegoats.”

“Our company has been transporting commuters of London and the South East to a fate worse than death, in cramped and unsanitary conditions, on a daily basis for a number of years now.”

“Thanks to the continued degradation of our service, there will be no need for Southern Trains to make any changes when we begin to run the Tory death camp trains.”

However, a spokeswoman for a rail passenger association said: “If the Nazis had been as shit a Southern Trains then no one would have ever arrived at Auschwitz.”