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Owen Smith slams Jeremy Corbyn for ‘weaponising train floors’

Owen Smith has criticised Labour Leader Jeremy Corbyn for ‘weaponising the sitting on train floors’, it has emerged.

Speaking to the Daily Telegraph, Smith said: “We all know the UK rail system is in trouble, and that is why I have stolen Jeremy’s plan for rail nationalisation along with a number of other popular policies.”

“However, the way Jeremy has weaponised the act of sitting on train floors is despicable.”

“Surely it would have been more prime-ministerial to use taxpayers’ money to upgrade to first class, or better still to hire a limousine for his long distance journey”, Smith suggested.

“This is just a crude attempt to make careerists like me look bad.”

“Just because I claimed £46,709.11 in expenses for the 2015/2016 parliamentary year, it doesn’t necessarily mean I’m intentionally ripping off the taxpayer, although my secret plans to privatise the NHS definitely will.”

The leadership challenger added: “People should vote for me because unlike Jeremy, I do know who Ant and Dec are.”

Then, reading off a prompt card held up by a spin doctor, Smith delcared: “I’m their number one fan, having followed them since the beginning of their musical career as rap-artists PJ and Duncan. I own all their records, but the critically acclaimed Psyche is my favourite. That’s the one where they wrecked the mike. They even invented a completely new dance called The Rumble.”

“And unlike Jeremy, I’m a truly authentic shape shifting moderate who’ll do or say whatever is needed to get in.”

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