Changes to the state school curriculum mean that history will now be taught using Second World War comics such as Commando, the Government has announced.
A spokesperson for the Department of Education said: “For far to long, school children have been brainwashed by leftist history teachers into becoming compassionate, socially aware members of society who vote against inequality and fascism. The EU referendum result clearly showed that there is a groundswell of support for ruining the lives of all young people, and the indoctrination of school children to become proud British patriots, much like the older and wiser generations who, although born after the war ended, have bravely fought the EUSSR menace from the the 1950s to the present day.”
“With immediate effect, and backed by Jacob Rees Mogg and the ERG, the Prime Minister has decreed that all state schools must immediately shred their current history textbooks and replace them with the full back catalogue of Commando comics, which will now be the only source to be read in history lessons in the United Kingdom.”
“The Prime Minister is very clear that the country needs to pull together under her strong and stable rule, and she calls on all teachers and members of the public to embrace her xenophobic re-imagining of British history as basically just what happened between 1939 and 1945.”
“The fact that Philip May recently acquired shares in the publisher of Commando comics, which are expected to return a substantial profit, is entirely coincidental and any further questions surround Mr May’s business activities would not be in the national interest.”