Workers will soon be free to work a 168 hour week, Michael Gove has announced.
Mr Gove, the Secretary of State for Lies and Child Neglect, said: “For too long British workers have been allowed to refuse to work longer than 48 hours a week, but thanks to my scheming the tyranny of the EU working time directive will soon end.”
“The Great British worker will soon be freed from EU bureaucracy and will be able to work up to 168 hours a week, if their boss orders them to do so.”
“This is the best kind of freedom because it enriches Conservative Party donors while destroying the lives of ordinary people who often vote Labour.”
“This is just another example of how devious shits like me manage to spin the removal of hard-won worker rights to sound like a good thing. Buzz-words like freedom, flexibility and choice may sound progressive and good, but what we really mean is insecurity, poverty and squalor for the common man.”
“By working Labour voters to death, we will preserve the large Conservative majority among pensioners which has been so crucial for Brexit and my party’s recent electoral victories.”