Acting Fuhrer of the United Kingdom Independence Party Nigel Farage has threatened to march on Westminster at the head of a million-strong army of pensioners, unless all his demands are met.
Speaking to a thronging crowd of yobs and pensioners in Taunton town centre, Mr Farage said: “A minority of people voted to leave the evil empire of freedom and prosperity that is the EU, and now we must enforce our righteous fascist will on the majority of Britons who do not agree with our views.”
Waiting for the cheering and applause to subside, the fuhrer waved aloft a non-ISO sized sheet of paper and continued: “I have here a list of one hundred and forty-seven demands that the government must meet in order to make Britain great again, according to the mandate given to me personally on the twenty-third of June.”
“If my patriotic demands are not met in full, I will raise a million-strong army of yobs and racist pensioners, and we’ll march on the Palace of Westminster to enforce the transition from democracy to fascism, or national socialism as I prefer to call it.”
“We are good, peaceful people who do not hold a grudge, and that is why en route to London we will be sacking all towns and neighbourhoods which voted Remain.”