Tories to fight election on platform of killing the disabled

The Conservative Party plans to fight the general election on a platform of killing the disabled, it has been announced.

Speaking to the BBC’s Andrew Marr, the Prime Minister said: “We’ve been hounding disabled people to death for several years now with huge public support.”

“And because we’ve now got a costly Red, White and Blue Brexit to pay for, we’re going to need to get even more brutal to the disabled, the poor, and children.”

“If my party secures a majority in Parliament, we will bring forward legislation that will create a Ministry for the Persecution of the Vulnerable, to be headed by former Minister for Manslaughter Iain Duncan Smith.”

“Iain is a veteran campaigner for the right of the poor and disabled to be punished for their poor life style choices and inferior genetics, and I am sure any information gathered from his infamous fact-finding mission to Auschwitz will be most useful in his new role.”

Former Labour voter Chris Bumfield from Bolton said: “I voted Labour all my life, but quite recently I’ve started believing the lies and propaganda that the Tories and their mates in the media have been putting out, and I’m now considering voting Conservative as a result.”

“Theresa May and the Sun both want me to believe that it is the Conservative Party that has my interests at heart, not the terrorist supporting Jeremy Corbyn whose hard-left policies include unthinkable things like having an NHS and making sure children do not starve to death.”

“So I’ll be voting Conservative this time because they are intent on exacerbating virtually all of the issues currently facing ordinary people in Britain, and also because I have extreme poor critical thinking abilities.”

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