Theresa May announces September general election to secure larger majority ahead of Brexit negotiations

Another general election is to be held on 8 September so that Theresa May can secure a larger majority, it has been announced.

Speaking to journalists, Mrs May said: “This general election has been a great success for the Conservatives and for me personally, but I still do not have a proper majority.”

“I demand that voters give me the majority I need to go into the Brexit negotiations and secure the wrong deal for Britain.”

“Therefore, the people will be asked to vote again on September the 8th and I hope that this time, voters will do their patriotic duty and return an all Conservative House of Commons.”

“That way, there will be no scrutiny of my policy decisions and I will be able to rule Britain as a dictator.”

“And in case some voters insist on defying my will by voting for one of the anti-British parties like Labour or the Liberal Democrats, I have a war chest full of donations from millionaires to pay for shit loads of fake news and misleading adverts on Facebook.”

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