Boris Johnson’s spine found washed up on French beach

By Horace McSavage

Spineless Boris Johnson reacted meekly earlier to news that his long lost backbone has been found washed up on a French beach.

Johnson, whose spine had been missing since the EU referendum, hinted that a reunion with his backbone was unlikely before any Tory leadership contest.

“What kind of cowardly opportunist would I be if I were to suddenly find my backbone and take responsibility for my actions?”

Johnson continued “I’ll just wait for a safer time to launch a leadership bid, long after the Brexit negotiations have gone tits up.”

At least for now, the spine will remain detached from it’s lily-livered owner. And while it remains uncertain what the long-term future holds for it, sources close to the spine have hinted that Johnson may never be in possession of a backbone ever again.

The search for Michael Gove’s guts and David Davis’ brain continues.

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