We won two world wars and one world cup so we can do anything, Brexiters claim

The fact that the country has won two World Wars and one World Cup means we can achieve anything, leading Brexiters have claimed.

Responding to questions about his competence, chief Brexiter David Davis said: “If there’s one thing the 2017 film Dunkirk has taught us, it’s that Britain can easily make a frantic wthdrawal from Europe without any real sacrifices being made by the elite.”

“We won two World Wars and One World Cup, which means we can achieve anything we want, however ludicrous or unrealistic. All our Brexit unicorns will materialise as long as we keep the Blitz spirit alive by singing ‘two world wars and one world cup’ throughout the negotiations with Brussels.”

The Secretary of State for Making Cockups added: “If we put our minds to it, we will easily replace all our lost EU trade with better, more patriotic trade with smaller economies who aren’t all that interested in trading with us.”

Commenting on the statement by Mr Davis, the Hard Brexiter Jacob Rees Mogg said: “The’re no real evidence for it, but it’s an established political fact that Britain won both wars alone, with no outside assistance whatsoever.”

“We didn’t need allies in 1914-1918 or 1939-1945, and we sure as hell don’t need trading partners now, because over in the United States there are numerous companies licking their lips at the prospect of buying up the NHS and other public services for peanuts, which they will then rightly run for profit instead of for some communist public good.”

“Also, people should remember that the 1966 World Cup Final is the only one that counts, just as the 2016 referendum on leaving the EU is the only vote that counts.”

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