By Jeff Sanchez and Dorothy Hotdog
Theresa May plans to run over journalists in a tank, after Jeremy Corbyn experienced a spike in popularity when the car he was riding in accidentally ran over a cameraman’s foot, it has emerged.
A spokesperson for the Prime Minister said: “After a car carrying Mr Corbyn accidentally injured a cameraman, and the BBC manufactured a fake news story about the incident, his popularity experienced a sudden and unexpected boost.”
“After seeing how this BBC smear attempt has backfired, the Prime Minister has decided to manufacture a similar incident where she will run over one or more journalists in a Mk IV Churchill tank, en route to a gathering of Conservative activists in a remote village hall.”
“The choice of tank is highly symbolic, and should evoke memories of Britain’s finest hour in the Second World War and associate the Prime Minister with Britain’s glorious victory over other Europeans and the Japanese.”
The BBC’s Laura Kuenssberg added: “I will be on hand to publish tweets arguing that when Theresa May runs someone over it shows she has the strong and stable leadership that dumbed down British votes crave. ”
“Of course, I’ll also be tweeting fake news about Jeremy Corbyn.”