I am DETERMINED to drive the country OFF A CLIFF, says Theresa May

Jeff Sanchez and Dorothy Hotdog

Theresa May has restated her determination to drive the country off a cliff as part of her government’s plan to press ahead with Brexit, it has been confirmed.

Speaking from behind an impenetrable cordon of riot police, the Prime Minister told journalists: “I am in power and I intend to hang on for long enough to drive the country over the edge of the cliff., according to the will of the people as expressed by the Daily Mail.”

“All those people who want me out of power immediately, who probably constitute a majority of voters and business leaders, should respect the will of the people and let me get on with negotiating a Brexit deal that is in the best interest of me and my party of nutters.”

“Not only am I the best politician in the history of this country, I am also an amazing negotiator and only I can get the right deal for Britain, through my idiot proxy David Davis. Although the talks have only just started, but already we have secured a number of great victories against our imagined European enemy.”

“Our plan for exiting the European Union is like a divorce. We will refuse to co-operate at all with anything, lose the house and the kids, and finally be free of everything that has held us down. We will then live in the bedsit of victory rather than a mansion of defeat.”

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