Jacob Rees Mogg against abortion in any circumstances – except when he gets paid

By Jeff Sanchez and Dorothy Hotdog

Jacob Rees Mogg is against abortion in any circumstances, except when he gets paid, the Tory back-bencher has confirmed.

“My devout Christian values mean I am against any kind of abortion, and I have been very clear and consistent about that. But as Saint Jesus the Christ once said, I can make an exception to my values if it means getting paid quite a lot of money.”

“In this case I see no hypocrisy because the abortions in question are being in Indonesia and are being done illegally, probably by poor people or muslims, so it’s not really very important.”

“I would much prefer that people change the subject and go back to talking about whether my supposedly Christian value are compatible with my support for the cruel austerity policies which push hard-working families into poverty, and which have caused so many early deaths among the disabled, because I find it all so uplifting.”

Asked whether he’d like to see Rees Mogg become Prime Minister, online MoggMentum supporter Chris Bumfield said: “What I really like about Jacob Rees Mogg is that he’s so much more important than us ordinary folk, with his big words and his very substantial personal wealth.”

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