Theresa May tells business leaders Britain is open for pillaging

By Horace McSavage and Jeff Sanchez

Theresa May has told businesses leaders that Britain is now open for pillaging, it has emerged.

Speaking at the Davos World Economic Forum, the Prime Minister said: “I want all potential investors to envision Britain as a tax haven for large corporations, where the richest 1% pay nothing at all when they choose to base their companies in the UK.”

“Brexit is a golden opportunity for business, and I have bold plans to improve fairness and social justice by completely eroding bothersome workers’ rights that have for far too long eaten into the profits of hard-working multinational corporations.”

“Under my xenophobic stewardship, Britain is booming. Our biscuits are still above average, and we have pretty good jam as well, at least until our agricultural sector collapses after we deport all the foreign fruit pickers.”

“It is true that many of our banks and industries are planning to quit Britain if we leave the European Union. But who needs jobs or money when you can have a red white and blue Brexit instead?”

Before rushing off stage in a panic, Mrs May added: “Please don’t ask me any questions, because I do not have any answers.”

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One thought on “Theresa May tells business leaders Britain is open for pillaging”

  1. I think this joke while extremely funny and probably is what she is really thinking
    I worry that saying she actually said this is not helpful with the cause that you must be taken seriously

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