Tories still best at managing economy, says man whose life the Tories recently ruined

The Tories are still the best people to manage the economy, according to a man whose life has just been ruined by the Tories.

Conservative voter Chris Bumfield said: “Despite causing year upon year of economic chaos which has resulted a substantial decrease in my standard of living, I still believe the Tories are the best at managing the economy because it’s something people say a lot.”

“And now that the Conservatives’ civil war over Europe led to the people voting to leave the EU against their own interests, we are experiencing yet another Tory omnishambles in the form of Brexit.”

“At first I thought the Tories were to blame for what they’ve done to this country, but thankfully the Daily Mail was there to inform me that none of the bad things that have happened since the referendum have anything to do with Brexit.”

“No, everything is the fault of remainers, or ‘remoaners’ as I like to call them (tee hee hee), and traitorous economists who refuse to think positive about Brexit and the incredible opportunities it presents for this now great country.

“Yes, it’s their fault but it’s nothing to do with Brexit.”

An anonymous Conservative told Newscrasher: “Our party has always done a fantastic job of managing the economy for the sole benefit of high net worth individuals who don’t like paying tax, while trying our hardest to make poor people’s lives as shit as possible.”

“The Brexit shitstorm provides the perfect camouflage for my party to push through all the hard right policies that Thatcher wanted to get done but was to scared to try. A mere two years from now there will be no welfare state except for pensioners, no NHS except for pensioners, and parents will be forced to pay thousands of pounds a year to send their children to a state school.”

“And the right wing media like the Sun and BBC will be there to brainwash enough of the poor into supporting it all.”

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