A popular tabloid newspaper founded, staffed and read by nazis has now accused moderately left wing people of being ‘nazi stormtroopers’, it has emerged.

In an opinion piece in the Mail On Sunday titled ‘Why I despise Jeremy Corbyn and his Nazi stormtroopers’, right wing Labour donor Michael Foster repeated a number of outright lies, and attempted to paint the moderate left-leaning members of the public who support Jeremy Corbyn as being even more hateful and bigoted than the average reader of the Mail On Sunday.

The new accusation comes just a few days after right wing entryist and Labour deputy leader Tom Watson accused Jeremy Corbyn supporters of being Trotskyite entryists.

Watson has now offered £75,000 to theoretical physicists if they can find a way for Corbyn supporters to be nazis AND communists at the same time ‘using wormholes are some other crazy quantum shit.’

Head teachers must do more to combat unacceptably high levels of social mobility, the government has demanded.

Education Secretary Justine Greening said: “The landslide victory we obtained in May last year gave us a clear mandate to institute a number of really quite nasty policies that were not actually mentioned in our manifesto. One of these policies is a crackdown on social mobility, starting in state schools.”

“For far too long, schools have educated children to a decent level, even those from left wing or poor families, helping them to achieve their potential and go on to have a rewarding career. This simply has to stop, and the poor need to learn their place is at the bottom, forever.”

“Our privatised academy schools have been doing a great job of prioritising private profits over quality of education, like the academy where poor pupils are water-boarded and forced to eat their lunch in isolation cells if their parents fall behind with school lunch payments.”

“I call on the headmasters of all remaining state schools to immediately privatise and implement these and other ground breaking Tory educational measures, or they shall face my wrath.”

Owen Smith has described his strategy in the leadership contest as “holding a knife to the throat of the Labour Party.”

Speaking candidly to Guardian journalist Owen Jones, who used to be left wing, Smith said: “Going forward, the only real way to persuade Labour to move back to the right is by holding a knife to the throat of the Party.”

“I believe this compelling message will resonate with voters and will bring Labour back to power at the next general election. I plan make up some actual policies once we are in power.”

When challenged on his flip-flopping over NHS privatisation and support for austerity, the former Pfizer lobbyist said: “There’s nothing inconsistent in my position on the NHS and austerity. Nothing whatsoever.”

“As a Guardian journalist I’m sure you will understand that sometimes you absolutely have to adopt the political stance that your paymaster wants.”

“In my case, yes, it was my heartfelt belief that privatisation of the NHS would be fantastic, and I have no qualms about telling you the main reason I believed in privatisation was the substantial salary I received from Pfizer.”

Jeremy Corbyn, benefit claimants and economic migrants from the EU are to blame for the massive delays on rail services, Southern Trains has claimed.

A spokesman for Southern Trains said: “Southern Trains is among the best performing rail companies in the world, providing third world punctuality at first world prices.”

“Unfortunately, circumstances beyond our control are increasingly causing long delays on some Southern Trains services, with left winger Jeremy Corbyn being among the main causes due to the threat from his frightening policies. Benefit claimants and economic migrants from elsewhere in the EU are also among the major causes.”

“But every cloud has its silver lining — our profits are up significantly compared to 2015, as are dividend payments and the bonus of our chief executive.”