Tag Archives: Rupert Murdoch

Rupert Murdoch blames real news for decline of his fake news empire

The growing availability of real news is to blame for the falling readership of fake news outlets like the Sun, Rupert Murdoch has claimed.

Dripping pure poison into the ear of a Newscrasher reporter, Murdoch said: “For decades I got away with spreading fake news through the Sun, the News of the World and, to a lesser extent, the Times and Sunday Times.”

“But in recent years social media has allowed people to be more picky about the kind of news and comment they consume, and many people are unfairly choosing honest journalism by media operations that are not owned by utter cunts like me.”

“News Corp made a loss of over 800 million Dollars for the 2017 financial year, for which I blame the large number of social media users who refuse to swallow the sick lies we publish, and who instead choose to get their news from one of the many independent news media websites that have the audacity to publish real news and to hold the Tories to account.”

“Despite the huge losses, I’ll still keep the Sun and my other shit rags in operation because of the political influence the give me, which I use to ruin the lives of ordinary people for my own personal financial gain. The Sun has always been a hard-right propaganda operation that tries to keep the working classes divided and hateful of foreigners and people on benefits, and against left wing policies that would improve their lives.”

“It gives me the biggest raging hard-on to I think I can put the Tories into power, who’ll then utterly destroy the lives of tens of millions of people, especially children and the disabled, and also kill tens of thousands of people by stopping their benefits.”


Only Sun and BBC should publish fake news, Labour’s Tom Watson argues

Only right-leaning media which are owned or controlled by Tories should be allowed to publish ‘fake news’, Labour’s Tom Watson has argued.

Speaking to Newscrasher, Deputy Labour Leader Tom Watson complained: “The internet and social media in particular have opened up frightening new possibilities for left wing people to share left wing opinions to a large audience, in direct competition to this country’s cherished right wing media outlets like the Sun, the Daily Mail, or the BBC.”

“In the past, people like me enjoyed relative freedom from criticism in the media as long as we didn’t do anything radical like try to help people who are poor. That kind of thing tends to anger rich media barons like Rupert Murdoch.”

“Unfortunately, there are now a number of left leaning news websites which support antichrist vampire Jeremy Corbyn, and if that isn’t bad enough, they have been willing to expose my scheme to ensure the Labour under Corbyn is disunited and unable to mount any serious opposition to the government.”

Mr. Watson continued: “Websites such as The Canary or Evolve Politics have been particularly effective at challenging our right wing narrative. Although these websites are far more truthful than the Sun or Mail, my crony Michael Dugher is going to brand them ‘fake news’ sites in an attempt to discredit them. Of course, in a sense they are fake news because they support Jeremy Corbyn and not me.”

Micheal Dugher, who is tasked with leading a crusade against left wing independent media, also said: “It would be great if we could have them all banned, along with satire sites too. More often than now, they are worryingly close to the truth and are damaging my faction’s repeated attempts to overthrow Jeremy Corbyn, who has repeatedly failed to acknowledge Tom’s decree that this is a right wing party now.”

“I wish we could just uninvent the internet and go back to the days when people had no choice but to believe the outright lies published by right wing media Barons like Rupert Murdoch.”

This story is, of course, satirical.


Theresa May had a private meeting with her boss, Rupert Murdoch

Theresa May had a private meeting with her boss Rupert Murdoch during a visit to New York last week, in which she made her maiden speech to the UN as self-proclaimed dictator of the United Kingdom.

The Prime Minister announced: “Rupert Murdoch is a great friend to the United Kingdom, and he has promised to keep on smearing Jeremy Corbyn as long as I do everything he asks of me, starting with hard Brexit and privatisation of the BBC.”

“We also discussed the possibility of having The Sun newspaper officially declared ‘Jewish’, so that any criticism or refusal to buy the paper could be prosecuted as a race hate crime. Of course, we’re going to need a lot more surveillance of the general public to enforce this.”

Speaking at the UN  general assembly, Mrs. May argued that the fraudulent EU referendum result was a signal that they want a “politics that is more in touch with their racist concerns and reckless action to address them”.

“It was also a very clear sign that the British people are ready for me to rule as a dictator, using the Royal Prerogative to bypass Parliament and simply do anything I want, whenever I want.”

“The challenge for those of us in this room is to ensure our governments and our global institutions, such as this United Nations, remain responsive to the people that we serve,” she added.

“When our friends in the media have brainwashed the people into being fearful of immigrants, then can we unleash our most repressive policies and destroy their lives with scams such as austerity and Brexit.”